By Kimberley Miles and Caitlyn Sweet
At some point, everyone will experience grief and bereavement after the death of a close friend or loved one. It is essential that we learn how to adapt after the loss of someone special in our lives. First, we need to know what grief and bereavement are and the strategies we need to use to cope with such a loss.
Grief
Grief is “deep poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement.” Grief is the natural reaction of the human mind and body when a loved one dies, causing chaos and upset in our lives. Healing from grief is very much like a physical injury: it takes time for the grieving process to complete and healing to occur. Each person grieves in his own way and his own pace. The grieving process must occur naturally and must not be rushed or forced, so healing can occur.
Bereavement
Bereavement is “to be deprived by death.” People suffer bereavement from the loss of a loved one. They yearn for the person to once again be part of their lives and have difficulty understanding how swiftly the person was taken from them. It can take weeks, months, and even years to adjust after losing someone special.
Bereavement affects the human psyche, which in turn affects us emotionally, physically, and socially. We may not want to talk to family members or friends because of an overwhelming sense of grief and pain. We have to learn to cope with our loss in order to heal, and this is far from easy.
Adapting
After the loss of someone special, we must learn to adapt to life without them. Grief and bereavement are an unavoidable part of life: it’s the cost for loving others. There is emptiness within. Our hearts ache. We experience emotional pain that seems unbearable. We believe that the hurt and pain will never disappear. But it’s imperative to learn to move forward – the pain will in fact ease over time. This doesn’t mean that we will forget our loved one, but we will remember the good times we enjoyed with them as we adapt to life without them.
How to Cope
Whether or not we have advance warning, death always seems to catch us by surprise – we are never ready to lose the ones we love. During the grieving process, we experience a wide range of emotions:
- Disbelief
- Denial
- Shock
- Confusion
- An overwhelming sense of sadness
- Anger
- Yearning
- Despair
- Guilt
To cope with loss, we should expect sudden, intense, and extreme mood swings. Be assured that these feelings are normal and a significant part of the grieving process.
If the person who passed was very close to you, it will take time to put the grief and bereavement behind you. Mourning and grief help us to eventually accept death. However, the grieving process is a very personal thing and each person has to find his own way through it. This may include having a religious funeral, sharing the loss with others who loved the departed person, having a celebration of the deceased person’s life, talking to the deceased, and a range of other coping mechanisms.
It’s imperative that you allow yourself to grieve. If not, your feelings of loss will begin to control your life and there will be no healing, which can cause severe bouts of depression and excess stress. This can lead to emotional, mental and physical illness.
We can always remember the ones we lost. We encourage you to talk about them and celebrate their lives rather than try to avoid the topic altogether. The following tips can help you celebrate life: yours, and the ones you love and have loved.
- Sit down and go through your photo albums. These treasured memories will be with you forever. If you find you don’t have many photos of your life experiences or of the ones you love, then start a photo album today..Start capturing photo and video moments you can review for years to come.
- Create a scrapbook, novel, video, audio tape, or other artistic work that helps you work through your feelings about the loss of your loved one. You may remember things and celebrate moments you may have otherwise forgotten.
- Visit close relatives of your loved one. The people who knew your loved one best can share stories with you that perhaps you didn’t know. View your loved one from new perspectives as you learn why he was loved and cherished by others.
- Write a biography of your loved one. You are the author and you get to write down all the things you felt were important about his life.
- Write a letter or poem to the one you lost, telling him all of the things you wanted to say but didn’t get a chance to share. This may help you with closure. We also encourage you to talk to a professional during these hard times.
How will you live your life without your loved one? How you remember them is your choice. We will never forget those loved ones who leave this world before us, but eventually the pain ebbs and we can look back on the wonderful times we spent together. The old adage is true. Time heals.
Tips for Coping
- Always allow an outward expression of your feelings.
- Seek out others who cared for the deceased and talk about happy memories.
- Accept death as a natural part of the circle of life.
- Avoid major lifestyle changes while grieving.
- Do not try to dull the pain with alcohol or drugs.
- Give yourself ample time to heal from your loss.
- If necessary, seek the help of your family doctor or a mental health professional to assist you through the grieving process.